Daily Dose of Queer is for Sale

Maria Angeline of the Daily Dose of Queer is saying goodbye and is up for sale. I’ve been getting my dose of queer almost daily for over a year. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. I hope that whoever takes over the blog does it justice; I’ve alway counted on it as a informal news source, or maybe a good friend, sending interesting bits of info my way. This might seem odd to most people, but reading a few of the posts in the mornings and afternoons has always injected some normalcy into my otherwise heterosexual-crammed day. There’s a feeling of comfort, knowing that there’s some place (even a virtual place) where I can go to feel at home, without the annoying reactions of the strait-laced.

So if you have the means and the will, here’s the perfect opportunity to follow in a wonderful woman’s footsteps–and make your own place in our freaky little world.


Shy Bi Girls & Guys

I’m usually a little leery about women who confess that they’re bi-curious. I feel that many of them are supposedly so inclined out of a desire to appear more attractive to men. I recently encountered a girl (forgot her name, damn me) who told me she was curious about being with a woman. Curious about these women myself, I ran a search on bi-curious women, and was pleasantly surprised by the site at the top of the list.

From the ShyBi-Girls front page:

We’d like to think you have just found one the best sites dedicated to Bi, and Bi-curious women from all over the world ! Our goal is to provide a non-threatening, safe and sleaze-free forum just for bi and bicurious girls exploring their bisexuality . You will be able to ask questions, have discussions, post pictures, read about others bi experiences and of course, perhaps meet women in your area.

For once, it’s not a porn site featuring threesomes. Which is great for women who are looking for information about bisexuality. It can be frustrating, wading through pornography for something you know is there, but is almost too deeply buried to be found. One of the things I liked most about this site is how they act to keep “undesirables” out. There’s an open chat on Thursdays, and for those with fifty forum posts or more. I haven’t yet signed up for an account, but I plan to do so today. I’m not struggling with my bisexuality, but I remember how difficult it was when I was a teenager, and I’ve seen up close what it can do to adult women who are trying to come to terms with their sexual identity. Quite a few people helped me come out; I’m not entirely sure I could have done it on my own. Now it’s time to pay it forward.

This is a free site, and there’s a brother site for guys that has personals and a forum for open discussions: Shy Bi Guys.

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Bisexuality, Society

My Apperceived Bisexuality Bias

I had a peculiar encounter at the gym this afternoon. I was sitting in the steam room, eyes demurely downcast when a woman sat down across from me and addressed me directly.

“Are you the lesbian everybody’s talking about?”

I was surprised, but just relaxed enough not to let it show on my face. I hadn’t known I was The Lesbian of my local gym. In fact, there’re a few there, and I wondered why she’d single me out as the one. I regarded her solemnly, a trifle coldly; my eyes roving down her body insultingly before capturing her gaze. I wanted this to stick.

“No,” I assured her. “I’m the other one.”

I wasn’t in the mood for any idiotic nonsense from a complete stranger. All that I’d wanted to do was melt into the wood of my bench after my token workout. I did not want to verbally fence with yet another person on a mission to convert the dissident, who didn’t even have an ounce of civility. Go away, I willed her mentally. This is not the droid you’re looking for.

She surprised me again when she laughed and said, “Good!” It wasn’t the nervous giggle I almost invariably get when another woman discovers my sexuality, nor the false-hearty rejoinder that loosely translates to “I’m not homophobic!” For once, I wasn’t frustrated that my Jedi mind trick hadn’t worked. (It never does, and I never fail to feel a pang of disappointment.) This woman definitely gave me the impression that she was interested in me, if not sexually, at least as a real person. While it doesn’t bother me much anymore that I don’t always get that consideration, I can definitely appreciate the fact when I do get it.

The woman and I chatted amiably enough, and I was glad that I hadn’t insulted her the way I’d intended to. I did apologize for being so off-putting, and mentioned that I was relieved to see that I hadn’t made her uncomfortable. She assured me that I didn’t give off any “vibes” that would have. Maybe it was synchronicity at work, so shortly after having posted a fantasy—and the dilemma it posed; I’ve kept to my resolve and reminded myself scrupulously to not objectify anyone-or rather, not let them get a glimmer of what I’m fantasizing about. That might have been what saved me from missing a chance to make a new, pleasant acquaintance.

Thank goodness for self-awareness.

Originally posted on

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Sexual Freedom: A Call to Arms

This was first posted in my personal blog, but I think it fits better here. Every once in a while I get super-pissed off and need to rant about all of the pussyfooting I’m expected to do, just so other people feel comfortable. Why should I have to make you comfortable with my sexuality? Nobody recoils in horror when others make an innocuous reference to their heterosexuality. Reacting that way to anyone different is just plain ridiculous. It’s not as if I go around hitting on people indiscriminately. I don’t try to “convert” anyone. Sure, I wave my banner, but only when it’s relevant to the conversation. If the simple fact that I’m bisexual makes you uncomfortable, go away. If you don’t like that I don’t give a damn about someone else’s gender, sexuality, or orientation, go away. I wouldn’t want to taint anyone with my opinions and beliefs. Ignorance is far too precious to screw with. Anyway, here’s the original rant, uncut.


I used to believe that almost no one adhered to the strict hush-hush-missionary-only-no-hanky-panky norm. Over the years, though, I’ve been presented with evidence to the contrary. Like many people, I surround myself with friends and acquaintances who share my interests. I have a wide variety of interests, however, and different groups of people who share them with me. They very rarely conflict with each other. But sometimes I forget what a wide rift there can be between those who live “alternative lifestyles” and those who…well, don’t. Many of the people I associate with are sexually open, but there are those who feel very uncomfortable when they’re confronted with anything of an intimate nature, or even talking about it. My sexuality is accepted, but not spoken of, almost like a dirty little secret that everyone unofficially knows about. No one would be so crass as to throw that knowledge in my face. My sexual freedom is a tasteless indiscretion that’s been forgiven.

Fuck that.

I don’t give a damn that sexual repression is the norm. If nobody talks about it, northing is going to change. We’re amazingly lucky to live in this day and age where we have people like Sue Johansen, Susie Bright, Ducky Doolittle, Lou Paget, Tristan Taormino, and so who are willing to speak up about sex-positive issues. But without our voices, those of us who are sexually open, who choose to live so-called alternative lifestyles, who live on the fringe of society, the impetus towards changing ill-conceived sexual perceptions-and ultimately, achieving acceptance for everyone-is going to slow and perhaps stop. There are many “average joes” out there who will speak up against it, but so few of us who want to be outcast for speaking our minds. No one wants to be branded a freak or pervert. But someone has to be if a way is to be paved for the future. I am, every day. Word gets around fast when you’re a libertine. And you know, I just don’t care. As Ducky Doolittle said, the best way to live life is free from shame. No one can give it to you if you don’t take it.

What I do care about is this prevalent desire to subjugate other people’s life choices. I care about the pettiness and ignorance. I want others to feel free to be open and honest about themselves in any way they see fit. I want change. I want it within my lifetime. I don’t want to wait. I’m tired. Tired of exercising diplomacy when I deal with clients or acquaintances. Tired of proving my expertise in business to people who are trying to treat me as a kinky slut without a brain. Sick to death of condescending or lascivious attitudes towards me, personally, as a bisexual woman, and towards others who don’t meet socially acceptable criteria. I’m not asking anyone to out themselves or reveal private fantasies. I’m asking that we all work towards a shift in perception. You don’t have to wave a flag, you can change it in subtle ways. Stand by what you believe in. Don’t stay silent when someone denigrates a group with sweeping generalizations.

Audre Lorde summed it up best, “Your Silence Will Not Protect You.” Speak up. Change the world. The benefits are further reaching than you can imagine.

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